On monogamy

On Monogamy

I saw a post on my facebook feed the other day. Some woman said we have r13 r 16 r18 for movies because the themes those movies held shouldnt be shown to people of those ages. She said that alternative sex practices (homosexuality) dont seem to have a R-anything and teaching her kids alternative sex practice just isn't appropriate.

Two can play at this game.
I don't think its appropriate to teach kids that monogamy is a normal or preferable way of living life. Monogamy is when people stay in a relationship with one person and don't have sex outside of that relationship.
Its my opinion that this form of relationship, among other things, degrades romance, causes trust problems and nurtures an environment where negative emotions can thrive.

So get on with it will ya?

Monogamy causes trust problems.

I've seen it happen all the time. Lets start a scenario. Dani (or danny) in a fit of lust, maybe at a party, maybe elsewhere, has gone and had sex with someone that isnt their partner. The partner in a fit of jealousy breaks off the relationship and causes a rift between the two and their respective friend groups.

Now. In most circumstances when the Dani has cheated that sex meant nothing to them apart from the hugely pleasurable act of acting on their lust. Dani isn't planning to elope. They aren't planning on running off with them person and starting a new life having cut the previous relationship out in its entireity. Generally they have just got really horny over a particular person and their lust had become too much. They just wanted mindless sex.

But Dannies previous partner feels hard done by. Why exactly?
The relationship hasn't changed. Her DNA hasn't been sullied by this act. Her is still the same person behind it all.
Sex with her hasn't been sullied. This isn't the middle ages. No one is virginal till they meet you. If that were the case then you wouldn't want to have sex with her because of her past partners.

Monogamy creates a situation in which you have to worry about whether the other half of your relationship is out having initimate times with someone who isn't you. It makes you constantly wary of what your other half is doing.

This often breaks friendships. Lizzie might be spending a bit of time with Rob maybe they have been spending a little too much time in the eyes of Bill, Lizzies boyfriend. Bill tells Lizzie that she has to spend less time with Rob or stop seeing him all together or even at the smallest level Bill might tell Lizzie it concerns him how much time she is spending with him.

This then means these things to me:
Bill doesn't trust that lizzie loves him enough to stay emotionally attached to him.

Lizzie now feels bill doesn't trust her to not go and fuck any person that comes along.

Rob now feels awkward (if he knows about it) and will probably distance himself from the friendship.

If you truly love a person and you trust them you can trust them to see whoever they feel and at anytime they want with as much frequency as they want. A relationship means trusting in your mutual love for eachother if you cannot trust your partner that they will come back to you at the end of the day because they love who you are then I question why you are in that relationship in the first place.

So now we return to Dani who has cheated on her boyfriend. The most obvious argument that I'm sure you are wondering why I didn't address I will now address.

Dani broke her partners trust didn't she? It was a unspoken arrangement that you wouldn't have sex outside of the relationship. Dani is still at fault because that was the arrangement she agreed on right?

Monogamy degrades romance

Now it seems that its not your trust he has broken but your pride. That woman was yours and no one else should be having sex with her.

That woman was yours (I understand this is a strawman but people say this all the time and I still think its a valid point)

That woman was yours....
In what way was she yours? This sounds to be like she is your property. That she isn't a person you love but a commodity that you can hoard away for your personal benefit.

Monogamy says that you have the right to tell your partner what she or he can do with her own body as if you have any right to another persons body.

How wholly unromantic.

I would never want to be in a relationship where my partner felt she had the right to tell me what I could eat or drink or who I could associate with

Why does it change with sex? We are all our own people. We are not our partners, we are individuals. We have total liberty over our bodies because anything less makes us slaves within our own skins!

How is this romance? How can any relationship where the other person can tell you what you are allowed to do and not allowed to do be considered loving, trusting or romantic?

We talk about loving a person as they are but we apparently draw that line just before the persons sexuality and sexual needs.

But perhaps it truly was your trust she broke. The agreement was no sex outside of our relationship, however unromantic or isn't doesn't make a difference. This was her agreement and she must stick to it.

Monogamy holds our emotions and youth to ransom

The predominant relationship model in our society is monogomous. If you want to be in a relationship chances are you are going to have to be monogomous regardless if you feel it is right or if you feel breaks the whole concept of love.

We may love a person hugely but have to succumb to monogamy because anything else isn't considered a relationship at all.

For those of my age we are in the age where we would like to have many sexual experiences and many meaningful emotional connections but monogamy holds us to ransom.

If you want to have a meaningful emotional connection with someone you will have to remain monogamous and there is also a chance that because of a ridiculous idea that has been perpetuated throughout the media, you cannot or should not remain friends with the partner afterwards.

If you want to have heaps of sexual experiences chances are you are going to have to trawl the clubs and bars. But if you like to know the person beforehand, perhaps you like to know that they are at all similar to you or they aren't stupid or they are a cool person well fuck you better get into a relationship with someone (no this isn't true of all sexual experiences. I know plenty of people who are intimate with a lot of interesting people)

The problem with Dani's situation is that yes she did go back on the relationship you agreed to but was she given a choice of relationships? Would you have thought of her as a whore if she wanted to act on her sexuality away from you?

If yes (or if you wouldnt call her a whore but something more PC) then is your relationship based on love or possession?

But in the end has her indisgression changed anything at all? Has it destroyed the relationship?  

Only if you want it to.