On monogamy

On Monogamy

I saw a post on my facebook feed the other day. Some woman said we have r13 r 16 r18 for movies because the themes those movies held shouldnt be shown to people of those ages. She said that alternative sex practices (homosexuality) dont seem to have a R-anything and teaching her kids alternative sex practice just isn't appropriate.

Two can play at this game.
I don't think its appropriate to teach kids that monogamy is a normal or preferable way of living life. Monogamy is when people stay in a relationship with one person and don't have sex outside of that relationship.
Its my opinion that this form of relationship, among other things, degrades romance, causes trust problems and nurtures an environment where negative emotions can thrive.

So get on with it will ya?

Monogamy causes trust problems.

I've seen it happen all the time. Lets start a scenario. Dani (or danny) in a fit of lust, maybe at a party, maybe elsewhere, has gone and had sex with someone that isnt their partner. The partner in a fit of jealousy breaks off the relationship and causes a rift between the two and their respective friend groups.

Now. In most circumstances when the Dani has cheated that sex meant nothing to them apart from the hugely pleasurable act of acting on their lust. Dani isn't planning to elope. They aren't planning on running off with them person and starting a new life having cut the previous relationship out in its entireity. Generally they have just got really horny over a particular person and their lust had become too much. They just wanted mindless sex.

But Dannies previous partner feels hard done by. Why exactly?
The relationship hasn't changed. Her DNA hasn't been sullied by this act. Her is still the same person behind it all.
Sex with her hasn't been sullied. This isn't the middle ages. No one is virginal till they meet you. If that were the case then you wouldn't want to have sex with her because of her past partners.

Monogamy creates a situation in which you have to worry about whether the other half of your relationship is out having initimate times with someone who isn't you. It makes you constantly wary of what your other half is doing.

This often breaks friendships. Lizzie might be spending a bit of time with Rob maybe they have been spending a little too much time in the eyes of Bill, Lizzies boyfriend. Bill tells Lizzie that she has to spend less time with Rob or stop seeing him all together or even at the smallest level Bill might tell Lizzie it concerns him how much time she is spending with him.

This then means these things to me:
Bill doesn't trust that lizzie loves him enough to stay emotionally attached to him.

Lizzie now feels bill doesn't trust her to not go and fuck any person that comes along.

Rob now feels awkward (if he knows about it) and will probably distance himself from the friendship.

If you truly love a person and you trust them you can trust them to see whoever they feel and at anytime they want with as much frequency as they want. A relationship means trusting in your mutual love for eachother if you cannot trust your partner that they will come back to you at the end of the day because they love who you are then I question why you are in that relationship in the first place.

So now we return to Dani who has cheated on her boyfriend. The most obvious argument that I'm sure you are wondering why I didn't address I will now address.

Dani broke her partners trust didn't she? It was a unspoken arrangement that you wouldn't have sex outside of the relationship. Dani is still at fault because that was the arrangement she agreed on right?

Monogamy degrades romance

Now it seems that its not your trust he has broken but your pride. That woman was yours and no one else should be having sex with her.

That woman was yours (I understand this is a strawman but people say this all the time and I still think its a valid point)

That woman was yours....
In what way was she yours? This sounds to be like she is your property. That she isn't a person you love but a commodity that you can hoard away for your personal benefit.

Monogamy says that you have the right to tell your partner what she or he can do with her own body as if you have any right to another persons body.

How wholly unromantic.

I would never want to be in a relationship where my partner felt she had the right to tell me what I could eat or drink or who I could associate with

Why does it change with sex? We are all our own people. We are not our partners, we are individuals. We have total liberty over our bodies because anything less makes us slaves within our own skins!

How is this romance? How can any relationship where the other person can tell you what you are allowed to do and not allowed to do be considered loving, trusting or romantic?

We talk about loving a person as they are but we apparently draw that line just before the persons sexuality and sexual needs.

But perhaps it truly was your trust she broke. The agreement was no sex outside of our relationship, however unromantic or isn't doesn't make a difference. This was her agreement and she must stick to it.

Monogamy holds our emotions and youth to ransom

The predominant relationship model in our society is monogomous. If you want to be in a relationship chances are you are going to have to be monogomous regardless if you feel it is right or if you feel breaks the whole concept of love.

We may love a person hugely but have to succumb to monogamy because anything else isn't considered a relationship at all.

For those of my age we are in the age where we would like to have many sexual experiences and many meaningful emotional connections but monogamy holds us to ransom.

If you want to have a meaningful emotional connection with someone you will have to remain monogamous and there is also a chance that because of a ridiculous idea that has been perpetuated throughout the media, you cannot or should not remain friends with the partner afterwards.

If you want to have heaps of sexual experiences chances are you are going to have to trawl the clubs and bars. But if you like to know the person beforehand, perhaps you like to know that they are at all similar to you or they aren't stupid or they are a cool person well fuck you better get into a relationship with someone (no this isn't true of all sexual experiences. I know plenty of people who are intimate with a lot of interesting people)

The problem with Dani's situation is that yes she did go back on the relationship you agreed to but was she given a choice of relationships? Would you have thought of her as a whore if she wanted to act on her sexuality away from you?

If yes (or if you wouldnt call her a whore but something more PC) then is your relationship based on love or possession?

But in the end has her indisgression changed anything at all? Has it destroyed the relationship?  

Only if you want it to.

On responsibility

On responsibility.

There is this common belief that I hear people say pretty often in regards to protestors.

Grow up.

Stop being a rebellious teenager and just get on with your life get a job and stop trying to change everything.

I don't buy this idea that protestors are less mature than their status quo loving counterparts.

One of the ideals of becoming an adult is that one has to accept responsibility for ones own mistakes and work to fix them.

I heard a song once say “neutrality means that you don't really care because the struggle goes on even when you're not there”

Say you are an engineer who inspected a hundred buildings before the earthquakes in christchurch. You find that all of them dont live up to the requirements that the government set for a safe building. If you say nothing and the building crashes and kills hundreds of people can you held responsible?
Well i've heard of a few engineers being caught out by this and bought before court for this reason.

You might say that we are not all engineers. We don't all know what makes a building unsafe.

To that I say it doesn't take a genius to see the girders bending, it doesn't take a genius to see the walls crack and when the ground rumbles slightly it doesn't take any education to know the way the building is swaying is not how a building should look like.

The point of this analogy is that if you see something is wrong it is your responsibility to change it.

The bystander effect does not invalididate your hand in the crime at hand.

If a woman is raped within your sight and you do nothing to help or even try to do a thing you are no better than he who raped. You aided the man in his act because you could have been the hand that stopped it yet you did nothing.
Doing nothing is often times just as good as aiding the other side. Think of any sport and how good it would be for the other team if one team member sat down and refused to play.

Maybe it wasn't you who caused the problem.

You still live in this building and if the building crashes it wont give two shits who's fault it was.

Maybe you don't know how to fix the problem.

A common problem. Hell, I don't know how to fix the building its far too big for me to know exactly what concrete is needed where or what type of weights a floor can hold or where we will get the resources to fix it.

But again. Neutrality means that you don't really care because the building keeps crumbling even when you're not there.

Maybe you are going to go somewhere else? Live in the forest or another building all together.

Living in the forest is fucking hard and none of us have been brought up with the skills necessary to survive in the wild alone. My main problem with this, however, is that you are leaving everyone who every helped you get where you are in the dust. Essentially leaving them to fend for themselves.
What wonderful thanks for all the good times and experiences that made you who you are.

Maybe you think that the building has gone to shit and there is no point because no matter what we do its going to collapse and kill us all.
What is easiest when faced by a problem is to just ignore it. To say its impossible. You might a shitton of evidence behind you as to why it may not work but I have the surest possible way of making sure something wont work.
Don't even try.
When in your life have you ever got something you really wanted without even working towards it?  When have you sat on your ass and everything just magically got better?
Perhaps thats not your argument. Perhaps you really don't think anything can ever change. To those people I say:
Man. It must be hard being a clairvoyant. It must be hard being blessed by god with the ability to see into the future. It must be hard living knowing that no one will win the lottery because every time it comes round you just win because you already know the numbers. Fuck it must be hard knowing everything in advance you special little snowflake. You are burdened with more knowledge than any human will ever have.
Get off your high horse. You don't know shit. You don't know when anything will happen in advance. You might have an idea and you may be very knowledgable about the psychics of weight distribution and you might know the exact breaking point of every part of the building but you can never bank on knowing everything. You can never know how every person will act or how each part might break. You don't know shit.

The only way anything will get done is if we have as many people doing as much as they can. Any little bit of help is a blessing for the whole.

Many people I know see this building we live in crumbling. We can see the cracks and hear the creaks. We all know that the building is unstable. Every day a block falls off or maybe even someone is killed by the stability of this building.

The question isn't when is the building going to fall because that implies we cant do anything to stop it falling. It implies that we cannot raise a new building ourselves.

The immature define themselves by what they cannot do and try to project what they cannot or are not willing to do on to you and bring you down to their level.
The immature shit their pants and expect the mature ones to clean it up time and time again.

So why in the hell would we listen to those who are still in diapers?

Bit of an update on me.
Its brief because there isnt much to say. My passport application was stalled because some stuff on the application wasn't finished (it fully fucking was.)
Anyway im a bit afraid I wont make it back in time for the start of lectures. Also I was wondering if anyone was looking for a flatmate? I very much would like to flat with friends but if not it would be great if I could crash on someones couch until I found a flat (shouldn't be hard i'll just look on those walls in the library where everyone advertises flatemate wanted.

I have been writing a lot. This is the first post in a while but thats only because my piece of shit laptop now doesnt do the internet and is a rather large digital typewriter.

I really just want to go home and it fucks me off how hard it is just to get back to your home country.

They should have emergency passports good for one trip and signed by the NZ embassy.
That would make things easy.

Yeah. I've been busking most nights making about 50 bucks a night over about 1-3 hours each night. Its good money and im fucking good at poi now. You guys should see. Its gonna be nuts.

I apologise to all those that I start talking to on facebook and never get a good conversation going. The only times im on facebook are when im at the internet cafe and my time is limited there. Often I just start talking before I realise I came here for a reason (sending emails stuff to do with my bond tenancy shit or trying to keep up with current events (mali is really interesting.) and way too much league of legends) Yeah so sorry bout that. Ill get proper internet soon.

At first I thought frances mali intervention was going to be another imperialistic shitfest but I heard a story about how before leaving the salifis burned down a library full of priceless original source histories of timbuktu and the region. A huge chunk of knowledge about empires and life in that region is lost.
I fucking hate salifi islam. Fuck their education hating bullshit. Fuck their hatred of women. Fuck the regression they brand as bringing them closer to god.

I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again. It can't come soon enough!
Cheers
Cam