Boy do i have a story.
So it was friday night.
I wanted to go out to a party in brunswick. which is about 16 km from my house. It was at the house of a firespinner that i had never actually met but i had been told was pretty cool from the owner of Highly Flammable.
So i was ready to head around at like 11 but she hadn't got home yet so i figured i would just have a few predrinks. Drank a significant sum of glorious cask wine (its 15 dollars for 5 litres. straya cunt!)
I was rather drunk when i left the house then returned to the house 2 times to check whether the gas and my computer were off.
I got to the train station where i realised i was too late to get a train. I contemplated whether i could justify getting a taxi. I called one up and waited as taxi after taxi went by. I didn't know if the light on the top meant that it was full or empty so i didn't wave any down.
I waited for a good long while before a guy came up and started one of strangest conversations i've had in a while.
"where did the one come from?"
I didn't understand but i answered "wherever he felt like he needed to."
"But did he really ever know what it was?"
"well you could say that but other times i would say no."
"But it didn't seem like it would?"
" who knows? all humans are different."
It made no sense but i think i annoyed him by not being totally confused by the questions.
We then talked about what i was doing here, how i came to be here, why hadn't i called a taxi, why do i speak funny, am i a sheep shagger, where am i hiding my love-sheep You know the general day to day things.
I eventually hailed down a taxi and it got about halfway to my destination before i my inner-jew kicked in and i decided i couldn't justify paying anymore so i skated the rest of the way.
It could've taken me about 10 mins to get there, Instead it took me hours.
The funny thing was is that in the state that i was in i still had the good sense to write myself directions to get to her house all the way from mine. lets read those directions shall we?
Up hoddle til darling garden on rosenheath cross gardens diagonal find oval poundabout and up to gold st cross to micheal. scotchmer along till nicholson left to work right lygon left albert right sydney Good fucking luck lol.
Oh so helpful.
I remember going down one street to find a street about 3 streets down the list then changing to the "right" direction and being further down the list.
Left at 11:45 got there at 2
It was down a pretty rundown industrial sector looking street. There was a party on one side but not the side that i was supposed to be going to. It felt like i was going to get butthurt pretty quickly here.
Regardless i call through the window to see if anyone knew a mel there.
A girl said "yeah i'll go get her" and she invited me in.
There was one light bulb in the place the rest of it was light up by candles.
There was a man sitting on the couch in his underwear, he had dreads and a lumberjack beard he looked like a pirate. (Adam he looked like simon before he got his dreads cut)
the place had old teastained newspaper for wallpaper in a few places and everyone was around a table playing circle of death.
The fact the whole place was lit by candles gave the circle of death thing a distinct occulty kind of vibe to it.
We got down to playing and Mels circle of death rules included about 50% of the cards involving the removal of clothing
The naked pirate in the corner now made much more sense.
People were in various states of undress and it was pretty cool. It wasn't that awkward strip-game vibe where the people being told to take off clothing were wishy washy about it and really uncomfortable It was geniunely fun.
About 8 cards from the finish Max next to me picked up a rule card.
His rule was:
Any time you have to drink from here until the end of the game you have to take off a piece of clothing.
Me and 3 guys were drinking buddies (we had to drink when she drunk) with this one girl.
I figured i'd be alright.
Next two cards were waterfalls.
So. within what... 15-25 minutes of being at the party i was naked.
We drank and we yarned. I made a guy have an intimate conversation with a boiling jug and i spent alot of time out on the balcony where it was compulsory to speak in an accent. But only on the balcony of course.
A few hours later everyone was falling asleep so we gatecrashed the party over the road.
Turns out it was a venue with a stage and couches and a bar. It wasn't licensed or anything, just a venue for mates and artsy people to fuck around. So it meant people could smoke inside and i thought that was a bit of a novelty.
We drank and danced till 6 in the morning. Then i put the rest of my booze in the bag and set off home.
Of course... at this point the trams and trains were now running again so THEORETICALLY I coooould have just taken a train home but this idea alluded my addled mind.
I started skating home from brunswick. Ideally it should be 17 or so km according to google maps. I doubt my route would have been that short.
Heres what i had to say about it at the time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_gpsVueIcY&feature=youtu.be
Previous to that video i had realised my wine, which was in an open glass bottle, was leaking out of the bottle
Go figure.
So i stuffed a tshirt into in and skated along but realised that wasn't working. I couldn't waste it so i had to drink the rest. about a litre.
It was not tasty.
That may lend some reasoning to the slurring and over the top love for melbourne for poorly chosen reasons.
I got home at about 8. slept till 4 then went to work at 6. Worked till 12.
Crashed completely when i got home.
Fast forward to today.
I'm sitting here after having a smoke and i get a call.
Oh god i have to talk to people (brackets are thoughts at the time)
I pick up and the lady goes:
"Hi cameron i'm calling from the (something) conservation society i was told by max butler (that sounds familiar...) that you were interested in working for us?
(what. i didn't put my CV into a conservation society thing.)
"uh.. yeah... yeah.. i'm sorry i'm not totally clued up on this what would this job entail?"
"Oh... I thought Max would've told you about this" (Oh fuck.. uh. what who the fuck is max? god i'm shit with names)
"Uh... well. you might have to desss..(please don't be offended i cant remember the guy who recommended me..) criiibe... him?
"Oh he's got blonde hair an..."
(click)
" OH yeah! yeah yeah yeah ok sorry sorry yeah i know the dude."
So remember the dude who made the 1 drink = 1 piece of clothing removed during circle of death? Yeah apparently somewhere along the night i had professed my undying joy towards the enviroment and because of it i had been offered a job at this conservation society. I'm going to take it. Heres the pay rate
19.95 per hour and 40 bucks more per day if i get 2 people signed up.
Now as much as i don't like people selling shit by coming up to are trying to get you signed but
Holy tits did you say 20 bucks an hour holy dicks.
Did i mention i can pick what days i work to suit me?
What the enolwlkewnienkfke
wfqj'
fehihief
THIS ROCKS.
God damn i love this place.
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
So what exactly have i been doing lately.
Not taking Hannuman out is one thing ive been doing.
Yeah. I should change that.
But anyway. what have i been doing?
Holy fuck. the last time i wrote about myself was the 18th. A fair bit has happened since.
At some point after the 18th i got fed up with being all lonely and shit and decided that i should do something about it.
As fun as trying to make all your friends based on talking to strangers is its not the easiest way of convincing people you aren't insane.
Its strange right, you talk to everyone and you tell a story and get them laughing but they still regard you as a bit of a weirdo.
Its probably the beard.
goatee.
Thing.
Yeah i cut my goatee because i didn't want to not get the job at Grill'd
Which i totally got. and have been working there for the past 2 days. Its like working at Angus burger except the people who run it aren't fucking retarded.
Oh god i totally derailed myself. i'm going to go back to what i was talking about before and then return to the topic of Grill'd
Right. So I was looking through my emails and i saw a few from couchsurfing and it hit me
Why the fuck wasn't i meeting up with couchsurfers?
So. i signed myself up to literally every couchsurfing activity in the next month.
I went to two of them.
But thats not the point! i met loads of cool people there.
So it was Wednesday night and there was a couchsurfing drinks at a place on victoria st. Google maps said it was close to flinders st station but really it was about 2 ks north. I didn't know this and i started moping around town until i asked a dude where victoria st was.
"are you looking for the couchsurfing thing?"
I fucking cracked the fuck up. I mean think of it. i am walking around in a town, the streets SWARMING with people. It just so happens the first person i ask for directions is going the same place i was!
Well anyway. he is this Italian dude who just oozes italianess. The accent the clothes and later on the picking up chicks.
He was a fucking good character and beat me at pool which i would like to think is a pretty hard task.
Anyway so we are walking around looking a bit lost and this couple walk up to us and say
"are you looking for the couchsurfing thing?"
We fucking lose it.
We start cracking jokes about us gathering a following and how i look a bit like jesus so maybe i'm just the new messiah. Eventually we figure out that it is 2 ks down the road and take a tram.
It still strikes me as absurd that i met 3 other people in the wrong part of town looking for the same thing..
Nuts.
We get there have some drinks and say hi to everyone. get to know some characters drink some more. I had scotch in my bag. Fortified my beer with it. Terrible fucking idea, tasted like trash. got a few numbers and we made our way home.
Well the italian guy didn't he went to a club to pick up some girls.
The next time i went when i got there i got into a conversation with a british fellow. He was nice enough and had some funny shit to say he wouldn't have been a bad guy if it hadn't been for the fact
EVERY FUCKING THING RELATED TO THAI PROSTITUTES.
"So are you saying you wouldn't get with anyone overseas (to someone else)"
"Theres no problem with that! in Thailand thats what you go there to do!"
"So what was the last concert you went to?"
"well i wouldn't call it a concert but i went to this sex show in Thailand...."
"Whats your guys favourite drink?"
"Long island iced tea, I used to always get them when i was AT FUCKING BROTHELS INT TAHISLLANDNDNSNEUB"
The problem wasn't so much the fact that he talked about brothels almost constantly because i have to say he had some fine fine stories it was merely the company we were in and the tone of conversation at the time. Its like when your having a chat at a party and theres always that one guy that wont stop talking bout weed.
Speaking of which.
Night of the Grand Final a girl from couchsurfing was having a party. she invited all the couchsurfers over. I figured she had a sizable apartment to fit all the people that would come because she put it on couchsurfing weeks beforehand.
Nope.
Nah her flat was about the size of my Dunedin flats lounge or my old christchurch houses upstairs lounge.
I came way early because i had been drinking with ryan over skype with dylan and his girlfriend. When i arrived i wasn't aware how early it was because well. I was drunk.
Turns out i was an hour before it shouldve started and very unfashionably early.
Didn't matter all too much because i got to know the girl who was hosting the party.
She is a stripper who loves all things latin. (she was especially pleased i bought tequila) we talked about the similarities between busking and stripping but she assured me that stripping wasn't about the show but how well you could suck the money out of the men.
When we got back from getting ice we had some shots of tequila.
People arrived. Then more people arrived. then we had like fucking 50 people in this room and you literally could not move.
It was like being in an orgy with all the closeness and none of the eroticism.
Then we had the bright idea to move to the basement where the apartment building has a communal lounge.
We fucking swamped the people already there but hey? who gives a damn.
So the only thing to do now was drink more.
I'm pretty sure everyone at that party thought i was a scungy fuck. I just shotted back shot after shot after shot. I had a ball and offered everyone my tequila.
It was the thing to do. everyone chucked their booze on the bench and everyone took everyones. I liked it. my tequila went down quick. but i didn't mind there were plenty of tastier things.
I was going to return to the dude who only talked about weed but thats pretty much the story
He talked about weed too much.
Fuck that was a mad yarn cameron
Damn right .
I went home with someone (wonderful person i hope i meet her again) and in my drunken stupor i forgot my jacket.
It was a mangy old thing but it held alot of memories. That old black jacket had literally lasted me for years. i think i got it when i was 15.
Holy fuck.
Well. Now the the nostalgia is over i'll tell you the real reason i'm pissed i lost it.
It had my passport in it.
Oh yeah.
Damn right.
I'm gon get my identity stolen fo sho.
So i went back to the basement and it was goddamn pristine. Nothing was there. Not my jacket, nothing.
Went to reception but because it was sunday there was no one on.
I went monday and the cleaner hadn't found it, no one else had.
Went to the police, nope.
I don't reeeally know what to do.
I'll fix it.
Came back from work today nd bought some new shoes.
Went into the shop and started looking at the shoes. looked back to one of the girls working there and the conversation went like this
"How much are those?"
"...eferngr. always say....... clubs... how much are those?"
"I heard pretty much half of what you said and the second half makes no sense because of that"
" Guys are always like that "how much?" You know? in the clubs they come up and say "How much are ya? ya know?"
" Oh riiight ok now i understand.... Hmm.. i was just about to say "you must get that alot" until i realised how horribly offensive that would've been."
She then proceeded to tell me half the shoes were shit and i shouldn't buy them but i found some less shit ones and i got a discount cos they were scuffed.
We talked about how i came here on 50 bucks and my plans and how her lifes dream was to steal the couch that we were sitting on and how i have a wonderful radio voice.
I then bought the shoes and she told her co-worker that i did politics at uni to which i replied
"actually it was a double major thank you very much politics and theatre. so either way i wasn't getting any money." co-worker thought that was clever. i was pleased.
she told me to come back any time "but you know you dont have to buy anything just come back to talk"
I intend to come back after work tomorrow just because it was a good yarn.
Damn those shoes feel good.
Damn my writing has gone down hill
Damn i'm tired holy fuck.
I think some other shit happened but i dont fucking know tis 1 am get off my back fuck.
Yeah. I should change that.
But anyway. what have i been doing?
Holy fuck. the last time i wrote about myself was the 18th. A fair bit has happened since.
At some point after the 18th i got fed up with being all lonely and shit and decided that i should do something about it.
As fun as trying to make all your friends based on talking to strangers is its not the easiest way of convincing people you aren't insane.
Its strange right, you talk to everyone and you tell a story and get them laughing but they still regard you as a bit of a weirdo.
Its probably the beard.
goatee.
Thing.
Yeah i cut my goatee because i didn't want to not get the job at Grill'd
Which i totally got. and have been working there for the past 2 days. Its like working at Angus burger except the people who run it aren't fucking retarded.
Oh god i totally derailed myself. i'm going to go back to what i was talking about before and then return to the topic of Grill'd
Right. So I was looking through my emails and i saw a few from couchsurfing and it hit me
Why the fuck wasn't i meeting up with couchsurfers?
So. i signed myself up to literally every couchsurfing activity in the next month.
I went to two of them.
But thats not the point! i met loads of cool people there.
So it was Wednesday night and there was a couchsurfing drinks at a place on victoria st. Google maps said it was close to flinders st station but really it was about 2 ks north. I didn't know this and i started moping around town until i asked a dude where victoria st was.
"are you looking for the couchsurfing thing?"
I fucking cracked the fuck up. I mean think of it. i am walking around in a town, the streets SWARMING with people. It just so happens the first person i ask for directions is going the same place i was!
Well anyway. he is this Italian dude who just oozes italianess. The accent the clothes and later on the picking up chicks.
He was a fucking good character and beat me at pool which i would like to think is a pretty hard task.
Anyway so we are walking around looking a bit lost and this couple walk up to us and say
"are you looking for the couchsurfing thing?"
We fucking lose it.
We start cracking jokes about us gathering a following and how i look a bit like jesus so maybe i'm just the new messiah. Eventually we figure out that it is 2 ks down the road and take a tram.
It still strikes me as absurd that i met 3 other people in the wrong part of town looking for the same thing..
Nuts.
We get there have some drinks and say hi to everyone. get to know some characters drink some more. I had scotch in my bag. Fortified my beer with it. Terrible fucking idea, tasted like trash. got a few numbers and we made our way home.
Well the italian guy didn't he went to a club to pick up some girls.
The next time i went when i got there i got into a conversation with a british fellow. He was nice enough and had some funny shit to say he wouldn't have been a bad guy if it hadn't been for the fact
EVERY FUCKING THING RELATED TO THAI PROSTITUTES.
"So are you saying you wouldn't get with anyone overseas (to someone else)"
"Theres no problem with that! in Thailand thats what you go there to do!"
"So what was the last concert you went to?"
"well i wouldn't call it a concert but i went to this sex show in Thailand...."
"Whats your guys favourite drink?"
"Long island iced tea, I used to always get them when i was AT FUCKING BROTHELS INT TAHISLLANDNDNSNEUB"
The problem wasn't so much the fact that he talked about brothels almost constantly because i have to say he had some fine fine stories it was merely the company we were in and the tone of conversation at the time. Its like when your having a chat at a party and theres always that one guy that wont stop talking bout weed.
Speaking of which.
Night of the Grand Final a girl from couchsurfing was having a party. she invited all the couchsurfers over. I figured she had a sizable apartment to fit all the people that would come because she put it on couchsurfing weeks beforehand.
Nope.
Nah her flat was about the size of my Dunedin flats lounge or my old christchurch houses upstairs lounge.
I came way early because i had been drinking with ryan over skype with dylan and his girlfriend. When i arrived i wasn't aware how early it was because well. I was drunk.
Turns out i was an hour before it shouldve started and very unfashionably early.
Didn't matter all too much because i got to know the girl who was hosting the party.
She is a stripper who loves all things latin. (she was especially pleased i bought tequila) we talked about the similarities between busking and stripping but she assured me that stripping wasn't about the show but how well you could suck the money out of the men.
When we got back from getting ice we had some shots of tequila.
People arrived. Then more people arrived. then we had like fucking 50 people in this room and you literally could not move.
It was like being in an orgy with all the closeness and none of the eroticism.
Then we had the bright idea to move to the basement where the apartment building has a communal lounge.
We fucking swamped the people already there but hey? who gives a damn.
So the only thing to do now was drink more.
I'm pretty sure everyone at that party thought i was a scungy fuck. I just shotted back shot after shot after shot. I had a ball and offered everyone my tequila.
It was the thing to do. everyone chucked their booze on the bench and everyone took everyones. I liked it. my tequila went down quick. but i didn't mind there were plenty of tastier things.
I was going to return to the dude who only talked about weed but thats pretty much the story
He talked about weed too much.
Fuck that was a mad yarn cameron
Damn right .
I went home with someone (wonderful person i hope i meet her again) and in my drunken stupor i forgot my jacket.
It was a mangy old thing but it held alot of memories. That old black jacket had literally lasted me for years. i think i got it when i was 15.
Holy fuck.
Well. Now the the nostalgia is over i'll tell you the real reason i'm pissed i lost it.
It had my passport in it.
Oh yeah.
Damn right.
I'm gon get my identity stolen fo sho.
So i went back to the basement and it was goddamn pristine. Nothing was there. Not my jacket, nothing.
Went to reception but because it was sunday there was no one on.
I went monday and the cleaner hadn't found it, no one else had.
Went to the police, nope.
I don't reeeally know what to do.
I'll fix it.
Came back from work today nd bought some new shoes.
Went into the shop and started looking at the shoes. looked back to one of the girls working there and the conversation went like this
"How much are those?"
"...eferngr. always say....... clubs... how much are those?"
"I heard pretty much half of what you said and the second half makes no sense because of that"
" Guys are always like that "how much?" You know? in the clubs they come up and say "How much are ya? ya know?"
" Oh riiight ok now i understand.... Hmm.. i was just about to say "you must get that alot" until i realised how horribly offensive that would've been."
She then proceeded to tell me half the shoes were shit and i shouldn't buy them but i found some less shit ones and i got a discount cos they were scuffed.
We talked about how i came here on 50 bucks and my plans and how her lifes dream was to steal the couch that we were sitting on and how i have a wonderful radio voice.
I then bought the shoes and she told her co-worker that i did politics at uni to which i replied
"actually it was a double major thank you very much politics and theatre. so either way i wasn't getting any money." co-worker thought that was clever. i was pleased.
she told me to come back any time "but you know you dont have to buy anything just come back to talk"
I intend to come back after work tomorrow just because it was a good yarn.
Damn those shoes feel good.
Damn my writing has gone down hill
Damn i'm tired holy fuck.
I think some other shit happened but i dont fucking know tis 1 am get off my back fuck.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)